Ten Reason I secretly Want The Zombie Apocalypse To Happen

I'll admit, I have an obsession with zombie films and apocalyptic films in general. It's just the idea of being able to do whatever the fuck you want without people busting your balls! However, when I say whatever you want, I'm not talking about rape or murder -- that's just an outright barbaric! When I say, "Do whatever the fuck you want..." I'm specifically talking about actions that are in the confines of humanity! So I decided to compile a list of ten reasons why I would want the apocalypse to happen:

10. I can get the a 90' flat screen I've been wanting. The TV I have now is small, but it's perfect for my room. However, I will not hesitate for the opportunity to get me a new 90' TV. Come to think of it, I'm going to expand my horizons -- I'll get my five cars -- three computers (even though the Internet might shut down) -- I'd claim ownership of five houses -- and most importantly I'd own a TACO BELL! I bet you never thought of that, huh?!

9. I can blow up a cop car. Yes, I said it, we all hate cops -- cops are stupid throw rocks at them -- but I would love to blow up a cop car! I mean how badass would that be? It's not every day you can get away with blowing up a cop car.

8. I have a reason to shoot Jehovah's Witnesses! LOL. OK, before you get all offended, Jehovah's Witnesses consider those who are NOT Jehovah’s Witnesses part of the "Walking Dead Group!" Ahhh, now what's your position? Will you now join me in this little escapade? OO--RAH! But I'll admit where I live, I'm surrounded by these zombies (Jehovah's Witnesses). Now I will say this, I wont kill a Jehovah's Witness just for the hell of it, I will kill them IF THEY TURN INTO A ZOMBIE! No hesitation whatsoever! No tears! No sorrow! No doubt! See?! Humane! I have to put them out of their misery if they're zombies! Heck, as the old age saying goes, "They're already dead, so it's not murder!" OO--RAH for rationalizations!

7. Mark Twain said, "You're only obligated to do two things: Pay taxes and die." If the zombie apocalypse happened, then we'd only be obligated to just die! No more worrying about your rent. No more snooki. No more Jehovah’s Witnesses fucking up your Saturday mornings knocking! No more reality shows. No more cops. No more tickets. No more traffic cam pictures. No more politicians raping your paychecks! No more Trinity Broadcasting Network! No more Kim Kardashian! No More twilight! Shall I continue?

6. If the zombie apocalypse hit the world like a storm, I would finally be able to lock and stock and look like a total bad ass. Leather jacket, boots, sunglasses (I always have them on), 12 Gauge Tactical Shotgun, HK USP .45 Compact, machete, and a big ass backpack... Then I would have an excuse to wear my gear... If I wore them now... Eh, I'd look like a psych-nutty-douche bag...

5. One word: Simplicity. How badass would it be to just wake up and all the worlds resources are available to you for... Free?! I'd love it. Hell I could walk around naked if I wanted. I can piss in the street. I can drop Doritos on the floor and pick it up and eat it without worrying what people have to say about my actions. I can freely walk into a church and sing praises to myself. No more early Saturday morning knocks at my door, unless you're a zombie -- then you wouldn't know any better. I can even dance the fuckin' night away in the streets... Without people pointing fingers at me... It would be glorious!

4. Movies. I get to steal all the movies I want. Heck, I'd still Mexican movies that have the Protagonist that wears a Mucha Lucha Mask -- El Asshole Wipe-o! I wouldn't care! I'd get Chinese movies, I don't speak Chinese. I'd even get those Indian movies where they're always dancing to that shity music on Saturday mornings on channel 18! I would fill up a pick up truck with movies. I'd get it all. I wouldn't care. After all I have to preserve mankind’s history! I'd be like Charleston Heston in The Omega Man! I'd love it.

3. OK, I'll admit, this will sound extremely childish. I'd start my own fuckin' little city within my city! And -- here's the punch line -- I'll be a dick deciding who comes in and who stays out in the wild with the zombies. If you're a religious nut -- sorry, no can do. If you're one of my exes well fuck you! Except for Puff Puff, she's different LOL she can come in. But the others can fuck off. If you're a cop -- fuck you. If I've seen you on TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) -- fuck off! If you're a racist -- eat shit. If you're a pedophile -- I'll shoot you in your knees and watch the zombies tear you apart and THEN shoot you dead. So yeah, you get my drift -- I'll be a total dick. However, I will say this, I won’t be a dictator, cause let’s be honest 2011 was A BAD YEAR FOR DICTATORS! LOL Fuck you Osama Bin Laden eat shit -- OO-RAH, DEVGRU (SEAL TEAM 6), OO-RAH!

2. A chance to start my own religion: Connorism (Do what thy will, but harm none!) That's the only rule to my religion! Oh and sexual fetishes are definitely not be allowed (pedophiles, feet weirdo’s, animal loves -- animal lovers in the wrong sense -- and people who get off watching cartoon porn... Eh... Anyone associated with these weird sexual mental disorders needs SHOCK TREATMENT! Except for pedophiles... They need to be killed right off the bat.)

1. And finally the number one reason why I secretly want the zombie apocalypse to happen: It'll give me a chance to rule the world and make this world the way I see fit! Yeah! How awesome would that be to rule the world or how about rule your country? America would be the awesome -- hands down!

So there you have it my ten reasons why I secretly want the zombie apocalypse to happen! Leave your reasons why you secretly want it to happen down below!

-- Connor, out!