Twilight

Synopsis: Bella Swan moves to Forks, Washington and falls in love with a vampire... (Damn.)

Twilight. Twilight. Twilight. Where do you begin with this lump of shit? First off I admit I own all of them, except for the newest one, which I will buy when the price goes down. Also, I have the movies because I'm a FILM COLLECTOR. It doesn't reflect my taste in movies. With that out of the way, lets get into the review. Lets compile this review into one pile of shit review: Twilight sucks.

There's so many things that are wrong with this movie. I can't understand why the fuck do people actually like this movie? I know a lot of people are going to try to shoot me down because I don't like twilight -- try it, I'll hunt you down like a T-1000 -- but this is just my opinion. Personally I think Kristen Stewart et. all are actually decent actors, however, in the Twilight saga they suck because it limits their acting abilities.

Nothing really interesting happens in the movie. Bella's voice over is quite annoying. Yes, there's a fight scene at the end... But who gives a shit. Edward talks all this shit, yet still can't fight without his "brothers and sisters." Even I'll admit the wolves are kick ass!

Bella: Annoying as fuck, can't complete a sentence without stuttering every two seconds, she blinks every .1 seconds, can't maintain eye contact, dependant on a man (I'm not a feminist, feminism is a mental disorder.), she falls everywhere, she's so insecure she thinks being all up on some guys nuts is telling him she loves him, she's very bad at getting hints -- if a guy covers his face when you stand in front of a fan and runs out as soon as the bell rings, there's only ONE possible explanations: You smell like shit. She has nothing interesting to say. Shall I continue?

Edward: Douche Bag. Pedophile. Cold as fuck. He's a physical and mental abuser. Disrespectful to her father in spite of the fact that they try to make him out to be an "old fashion" kind of guy. Pale. Gay.

Jacob: Where do you begin with this fuck-ass? You can't actually like him very much until New Moon, however, even in that he's still annoying. He bounces when he walks. He's not really intimidating. Agh. Fast forward.

Bella's friends: One word: Jaded.

Charlie: Actually pretty kick ass -- it sucks that Bella's the fruit of his loins... Face it people Bella's stuid we must kill her before she breeds.

OK, so I didn't really review this movie, because I didn't really care about this shit. None of the characters, however, I would say I'd rather see Jacob with Bella that Edward, but of course, we all know the Edward's going to get her, however, Bella's going to regret it -- just wait till my Twilight rant and you'll see why she'll regret it.


Oh yeah one more thing, what the fuck DOES VAMPIRES, THUNDERSTORMS, and BASEBALL HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?! What Alice?! You're not making any sense! Remember that scene Alice tells her to watch why they play baseball durring the thunderstorm... Yet I still don't know why!

Anyways, I'd rate this movie One star out Five! Yes, bitches that's right.