Twilight New Moon

Synopsis: Bella continues on her weird obsession over Edward. Only now she has a new obsessed, an obsession about getting old -- at eighteen years old -- and... She... What is this movie about?!

New Moon -- Twilight -- Star bright, why is Stephanie Myers Skull-fucking me tonight?! Agh, again, I will say this for ever  Twilight  review: I own the movies for collecting purposes that's it -- fuck Twilight. Now the review -- if you want to call it that -- I hated it.

First off this movie is much better than it's predecessor, but it's still annoying. Bella and her lack of proper social skills is even more ANNOYING! She's has mental problems -- she can't complete a sentence without stuttering and somehow within all of this stuttering she manages to throw in "Edward." Why did I hate this movie? here's why:

The entire story is a repeat of the first movie. The only changes? Jacob got buffer. Edward got paler. Bella got dumber. And there's werewolves -- oh no correction -- big giant dogs that don't have genitalia! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I bet you've never noticed that HUH?! (No homo or weirdo either, it's just impossible to not notice. If you're not swooning over the guys on screen, that is.)


After Bella gets dumped on her ass in the middle of the forest she sits in her room for like three seasons moaning, bitching, crying, narrating, emailing Alice, cutting herself, and screaming in the middle of the night for... Whatever reason. Why was she screaming anyways? I don't know if they show it, if they did it must not be significant if I can't remember it. OK, everyone has heartbreak. So have I, I started this blog to help me with my heart break, but the pain may never go away, however, there's a time in your life where you need to just MOVE THE FUCK ON! Bella you have mental problems (and so do I apparently since I'm "addressing" Bella as if she's a real person... Fuck off.)

Edward is even a bigger douche bag, he hits her (lol I know on accident) and then just dumps her in the forest. Then he STILL TRIES TO CONTROL HER LIFE after he's gone. That's the kind of guy that will end up drinking and beating this shit out of her in the near future... Actually come to think of it, he's going to be beating the shit out of her for ETERNITY!

Jacob, I have mixed feelings about him. To me, when Taylor would act, it looks as if he's WAITING for Bella or whoever on screen with him to say their lines instead of letting it flow naturally like a real conversation. He seems awkward on screen. But regardless of that, he's a pretty decent guy. I'll be honest when Bella started hanging out with Jacob they actually started to look like a NORMAL, NON-ABUSIVE, GENUINE COUPLE! But of course Bella being the "Klutz" she is (it's not an attractive characteristic.) she ends up fucking it up anyways.

BELLA! I get so tired of hearing her name on screen. First off guys, if you meet a girl like Bella FLEE to Cuba. Did you see how she just dumped Jacob for Edward just because Douche bag Edward came back? What girl in her right mind would get back with a guy who: One, left her in the forest. Two, tossed her across the room. Three, Left her in the forest with wolves. Three, continues to stalk her in her dreams. Four, left her even though HE KNEW that redheaded bitch was after her? Five, tells her what she can and cannot do? What girl would go back to a guy like that? Oh, Bella, because everyone likes Bella. Bella belongs on the little yellow school bus with the kids who hold hands at lunch.

The wolves -- a big fuckin' dog, OH WOW. Enough said. Moving on to something more worth while.

The vultri. I like Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen even in Twilight, they're actually good. But even they can't redeem this movie.

OK, I will also admit this, there's only one character I like and that's Jasper. He's actually intriguing and his back story is the most "developed." Everyone else is just annoying.

The CULLENS -- Weirdos, just throw rocks at them. I can't stand looking at these people because they just irk me.

What did I like about this movie? The fight scenes, but in total there's only about three minutes of it. The rest of it is Bella bitching over Edward... If only that BLACK GUY LOST CONTROL OF THE VAN ON THE DAY WHEN EDWARD AND HIS FAMILY WENT "CAMPING!"

You know what come to think of it the way Bella acts is exactly how a MIND CONTROL victim would act. Do you really want your kids to be looking up to Bella? Some guy tosses her across the room, it's OK just as long as you're obsessed with him. That's all that matters! That's the same thing women who are abused by their husbands say "I still love him. He didn't mean it. I think he can change." NO! NO! NO! FUCKIN' NO! Girls if a guy dumps you in the forest like how Douche Bag Edward did to Bella, he's NOT WORTH YOUR TIME! Bella is a bad example to tween kids.

What do I rate this movie? - 1 out of 5.