Synopsis: Alice awakens in an Umbrella Lab and escapes. To her dismay, the entire city is overrun by blood-thirsty zombies. She teams with with survivors to escape the horrors of Raccoon City.
Wow... Were the fuck do you begin with this movie? I love zombies, I love Resident Evil and most of the Resident Evil movies were great, but... Resident Evil: Apocalypse was HIDEOUS! I can't believe how bad this movie was. Yeah, Jill Valentine was hot -- yes, Alice is hot! But the story is FAR TOO dull this time. If you watch a movie and say "the only good parts were the nudity or the hot girls," then something went wrong with the film. For example House of the Dead... The only good parts of the movie: Nudity. Everything else was shit. Let's take a look at what's wrong with this movie in particular order:
Problem #1: L.J. (Loyd Jefferson Wade, you can call him that on informal encounters). LJ is played by Mike Epps. I like Epps, but this LJ character was a stereotypical "black male" role. You know, the quirky black guy, ghetto, in jail, goofy, comic releif and can't do shit right? That kind of character. I'm not trying to bring race into this, but it just stands out in this film and it killed it. Resident Evil is suppose to be a serious film... So they say.
Problem #2: Lack of consistency. Remember in the first Resident Evil with the Queen said after the licker feeds on flesh it begins to mutate? Well where did all that shit go in Resident Evil: Apocalypse? Remember in the church, the licker ate that fucker with the big ass revolver and what happened -- nada. Nothing. Jack shit.
Problem #3: There are only two characters I actually like in Resident Evil: Apocalypse and that's Jill and Carlos. They fit the role, especially Jill (Damn she looked so hot!), but everyone else, such as, err, Terry the news reporter, she was good on "24", but out of place here. Cain was also out of place... Actually I don't recall him in any of the the games. They just keep adding people to this shit.
Problem #4: The story was SUB-PAR! It wasn't exciting at all. I did like the Umbrella Mercenaries, the chaotic ruins of the city, the zombies and the "empty feel" of the city as well. However, apart from that, the story was just "OK". It wasn't anything special.
Problem #5: The jagged slow motion effect. You know when the zombies are coming in the alley, if I'm not mistaken, when the Umbrella Commandos are fighting side-by-side with the S.T.A.R.S. Members? That jagged slow motion effect just irritated me, even though it wasn't over used.
Problem #6: Alice... I like Milla Jovovich... But not so much in this one... I hate the fact that now she fights like she's Neo's counterpart. Resident Evil is about survival -- Fact: Survivalism is based on skills, not your "powers" you got from "bonding" with the virus that started the apocalypse in the first place. No where in the game does it illustrate you can bond with the T-Virus. Alice bonds with the T-Virus... The fuckin' zombie virus! Everyone person who tries to "bond" with the virus ends up looking deformed and unholy... But not Alice. Paul W.S. Anderson = Fucktard!
Problem #7: Number seven is the real reason why I dislike this movie so much. What is it? Well it's fuckin' obvious, since when does Nemesis the creepiest villain ever in the Resident Evil series become someones best friend?! When I saw that I was like "WHAT THE FUCK?! Did I see this right -- am I -- is my brain processing this right?!" I like how they created Nemesis from the first Resident Evil, but when Nemesis becomes Alice's best friend that just completely did it for me, I was done giving this film chances! No! No! No! Fuckin' no Nemesis hates everyone -- he'll ninja kick you when he jumps through a window any chance he gets! He hates people! Fact: Nemesis is what Hitler's soul looks like -- another Fact: Paul W.S. Anderson keeps raping the Resident Evil Series! A triple FUCK YOU to Paul W.S. Anderson for writing that bullshit and for marrying Milla Jovovich!
What do I give this movie? -1 Stars out of 5!
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