Ten Reason I secretly Want The Zombie Apocalypse To Happen

I'll admit, I have an obsession with zombie films and apocalyptic films in general. It's just the idea of being able to do whatever the fuck you want without people busting your balls! However, when I say whatever you want, I'm not talking about rape or murder -- that's just an outright barbaric! When I say, "Do whatever the fuck you want..." I'm specifically talking about actions that are in the confines of humanity! So I decided to compile a list of ten reasons why I would want the apocalypse to happen:

10. I can get the a 90' flat screen I've been wanting. The TV I have now is small, but it's perfect for my room. However, I will not hesitate for the opportunity to get me a new 90' TV. Come to think of it, I'm going to expand my horizons -- I'll get my five cars -- three computers (even though the Internet might shut down) -- I'd claim ownership of five houses -- and most importantly I'd own a TACO BELL! I bet you never thought of that, huh?!

9. I can blow up a cop car. Yes, I said it, we all hate cops -- cops are stupid throw rocks at them -- but I would love to blow up a cop car! I mean how badass would that be? It's not every day you can get away with blowing up a cop car.

8. I have a reason to shoot Jehovah's Witnesses! LOL. OK, before you get all offended, Jehovah's Witnesses consider those who are NOT Jehovah’s Witnesses part of the "Walking Dead Group!" Ahhh, now what's your position? Will you now join me in this little escapade? OO--RAH! But I'll admit where I live, I'm surrounded by these zombies (Jehovah's Witnesses). Now I will say this, I wont kill a Jehovah's Witness just for the hell of it, I will kill them IF THEY TURN INTO A ZOMBIE! No hesitation whatsoever! No tears! No sorrow! No doubt! See?! Humane! I have to put them out of their misery if they're zombies! Heck, as the old age saying goes, "They're already dead, so it's not murder!" OO--RAH for rationalizations!

7. Mark Twain said, "You're only obligated to do two things: Pay taxes and die." If the zombie apocalypse happened, then we'd only be obligated to just die! No more worrying about your rent. No more snooki. No more Jehovah’s Witnesses fucking up your Saturday mornings knocking! No more reality shows. No more cops. No more tickets. No more traffic cam pictures. No more politicians raping your paychecks! No more Trinity Broadcasting Network! No more Kim Kardashian! No More twilight! Shall I continue?

6. If the zombie apocalypse hit the world like a storm, I would finally be able to lock and stock and look like a total bad ass. Leather jacket, boots, sunglasses (I always have them on), 12 Gauge Tactical Shotgun, HK USP .45 Compact, machete, and a big ass backpack... Then I would have an excuse to wear my gear... If I wore them now... Eh, I'd look like a psych-nutty-douche bag...

5. One word: Simplicity. How badass would it be to just wake up and all the worlds resources are available to you for... Free?! I'd love it. Hell I could walk around naked if I wanted. I can piss in the street. I can drop Doritos on the floor and pick it up and eat it without worrying what people have to say about my actions. I can freely walk into a church and sing praises to myself. No more early Saturday morning knocks at my door, unless you're a zombie -- then you wouldn't know any better. I can even dance the fuckin' night away in the streets... Without people pointing fingers at me... It would be glorious!

4. Movies. I get to steal all the movies I want. Heck, I'd still Mexican movies that have the Protagonist that wears a Mucha Lucha Mask -- El Asshole Wipe-o! I wouldn't care! I'd get Chinese movies, I don't speak Chinese. I'd even get those Indian movies where they're always dancing to that shity music on Saturday mornings on channel 18! I would fill up a pick up truck with movies. I'd get it all. I wouldn't care. After all I have to preserve mankind’s history! I'd be like Charleston Heston in The Omega Man! I'd love it.

3. OK, I'll admit, this will sound extremely childish. I'd start my own fuckin' little city within my city! And -- here's the punch line -- I'll be a dick deciding who comes in and who stays out in the wild with the zombies. If you're a religious nut -- sorry, no can do. If you're one of my exes well fuck you! Except for Puff Puff, she's different LOL she can come in. But the others can fuck off. If you're a cop -- fuck you. If I've seen you on TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) -- fuck off! If you're a racist -- eat shit. If you're a pedophile -- I'll shoot you in your knees and watch the zombies tear you apart and THEN shoot you dead. So yeah, you get my drift -- I'll be a total dick. However, I will say this, I won’t be a dictator, cause let’s be honest 2011 was A BAD YEAR FOR DICTATORS! LOL Fuck you Osama Bin Laden eat shit -- OO-RAH, DEVGRU (SEAL TEAM 6), OO-RAH!

2. A chance to start my own religion: Connorism (Do what thy will, but harm none!) That's the only rule to my religion! Oh and sexual fetishes are definitely not be allowed (pedophiles, feet weirdo’s, animal loves -- animal lovers in the wrong sense -- and people who get off watching cartoon porn... Eh... Anyone associated with these weird sexual mental disorders needs SHOCK TREATMENT! Except for pedophiles... They need to be killed right off the bat.)

1. And finally the number one reason why I secretly want the zombie apocalypse to happen: It'll give me a chance to rule the world and make this world the way I see fit! Yeah! How awesome would that be to rule the world or how about rule your country? America would be the awesome -- hands down!

So there you have it my ten reasons why I secretly want the zombie apocalypse to happen! Leave your reasons why you secretly want it to happen down below!

-- Connor, out!

Terminator Timeline Part 1

The Terminator one of the most fascinating Sci-fi movies I have ever seen as a kid. When I first seen The Terminator, I was virtually engulfed by the story, the effects, the acting, and just the very idea of a robot being sent back in time to destroy the leader of the human resistance, John Connor, by killing his mother Sarah. I love film, but there's three film series that are dear to me Die Hard series, Terminator and the Jurassic Park series. These film series are my child hood.

However, this rant isn't really about Die Hard  or Jurassic Park, but Terminator. I have many friends who enjoy the Terminator movies, but they never fully understand the complexities of the film. They always have questions for me such as, "If Kyle Reese died, how would John be able to meet him in the future?" "I thought they fuckin' stopped Judgment Day! This shit sucks, they're just trying to make money!" And my favorite "How is it the T-1000 can survive practically anything with out really being damaged, but cannot survive hot metal?" (Yes that last one is an actually question!)

"There is no fate, but what we make of it."

First I'm going to tackle the first three questions and then throw in my two cents. Kyle Reese -- how will John be able to meet his father after he had die? It's really simple: Think about this, lets say Kyle was born in the year 2045 and he went back in time to 1984, killed the terminator and then died, time will continue from 1984 right back up to the year 2045 where Kyle was born because time was reset. Remember in order to wipe Kyle off the face of the Earth you need to kill his parents or his parents parents etc. However, that doesn't mean kill only one parent, you'll understand why later.

The second question is I thought they destroyed Skynet and that was the end of Judgment Day. Yes, it's true they did destroy Skynet, but remember the quote "There is no fate, but what we make of it?" That isn't entirely true, that's just as motto John told Kyle -- it's simply a belief. This is where everything gets a little complex because it deals with multiple timelines.

The first timeline had no interruptions (there was no going back into time to change the future, because on this timeline "time" was normal). Everything resumed normally. Judgment Day happened in 1997. The T-800 was Skynets most advanced robot and humans were winning the war against Skynet. Now, during this first timeline, Skynet decides to alter time or the future and sends a T-800 back in time to kill Sarah Connor, John's mother. The resistance discovered this news and sent back Kyle to protect Sarah.

Since the T-800 and Kyle went back in time, they caused a ripple or a "change" in history. Remember the quote above? You're going to see an example why that's not entirely true and it's simply wishful thinking. Since they went back in time, they created a second alternate timeline (which would be the first Terminator movie) or an alternate timeline. At the beginning of The Terminator Sarah was going on a date, but he blew her off. Remember? That man would have been John's father. But since Kyle and the T-800 went back in time -- where they weren't suppose to be -- the changed things. Instead of going out on a date, she ends up going to the movies and then is attacked by the T-800; moreover, then she ends up being with Kyle and he becomes John's father. So two things are important here: One, no matter what John Connor was going to be born no matter who his father was. Two, before Kyle and the T-800 went back in time, Kyle was not John Connors father, his father was someone else.

Think of it this way there's alternate timelines, every person that lives will live no matter what. Based on your actions, it changes your future. So in one timeline Kyle was John's father because she got with him. In another Kyle wasn't his father becuse Sarah got with the guy who blew her off. The paths timeline changes a bit, but the events and their "actions" are inevitable (I.e. No matter what John would lead the resistance. No matter what Kyle would go back in time. No matter what John would meet kate. Etc.). Unless, they are killed, then that changes everything. If Kyle was killed in the future, John would have to send someone else and he would most likely fail, because Kyle was the one who was suppose to go back in time.

Now lets finish up the second timeline: Kyle dies, Sarah kills the T-800, the government takes the chip and the arm and Sarah flees with John. During the second timeline, time continues "normally" and Judgment Day still happens in August 29th, 1997, Skynet is still losing the war, but Skynet is more advanced, so now they send back the T-1000 and the resistance sends back the T-800 to protect John as a child. With that being said, since two Terminator's went back in time, they reset time again and time resumed with a third alternate timeline in 1995.

Durring the third alternate timeline (Terminator 2), which is when Skynet is after John Connor when he's ten years old, we are introduced to the new terminator -- the T-1000 and advanced prototype. Now before the third timeline, or before two terminators went back in time, Cyberdine's Miles Dyson had advanced technology from the future. The technology is thirty-four years ahead of Miles, however, that advancement was studied by Dyson in the second timeline and the third timeline. In other words that's the reason why the T-1000 was more advanced -- technology (the first T-800) from thirty-four years into the future  is left thirty-four years in the past + a brilliant mind studying this technology + time continuing up to when Skynet would send a terminator back into time to kill John = an advance prototype because the technology had time to evolve.

We're still working with the third timeline, which involves the second question -- if they stopped Judgment Day by destroying Cyberdine and Dyson (he's responsible for Judgment Day), then how did it happen?" It's simple. There's somethings a lot of people don't take into account. Because they destroyed Cyberdine and Dyson died, that doesn't mean Judgment Day was stopped. Why? Remember in Terminator 2 when we are first introduced to Miles Dyson, a guy sucking on a lollipop comes running in saying that "they" wanted to study it and he needed to check it out. In other words, yes Cyberdine was destroyed and Dyson, but they never actually killed all the people who studied the technology! There were other people familiar with the chip and the arm -- many people studied it and had their own data that they may have taken home (after all Miles Dyson took his work home).

Therefore, if other people had the knowledge and began to understand the technology from the future, it makes since that Judgment Day would still happen! However, there's a catch -- because they didn't have the original chip or arm from the first terminator to reverse engineer; and, Cyberdine along with the advance data was destroyed, and Miles Dyson the man responsible for Judgment Day being killed, they'd have to start from scratch all over again with the little bit of advance knowledge from  the future they had, which means one thing: Judgment Day would be DELAYED! Now, in part two of this post we'll transition into the fourth timeline...

-- Connor Murphy

Terminator Timeline Part 2

In the previous post we just wrapped up talking about the third alternate timeline (Terminator 2) and how and why Judgment Day was delayed, yet still happened even though Cyberdine and all of it's data was destroyed and Miles Dyson (The man responsible for Judgment Day) was killed.

During the third alternate timeline, Judgment Day was delayed -- it happened not on August 29th, 1997, but July 25th, 2004. However, when Kate Brewster, John Connors wife and Second in Command, sends a T-800 into the past to protect John's Lieutenants, Skynet sends the T-X to kill them, and this creates the fourth alternate timeline (Which is Terminator 3).

How did the T-X get so advanced in the fourth alternate timeline? Remember it was inevitable, if Skynet never went back in time, they would have ended up with the T-X in the first place, however, only much further into the future. Since future technology was left in the past it sped up the process and the T-X was created. Remember the T-800 said to John and Kate that Judgment Day is inevitable and he confirmed that it was postponed due to the destruction of Cyberdine and the killing of Miles Dyson.

Skynets objective in the fourth alternate timeline was not to search for John Connor since he was living off grid, but to kill the lieutenants and Kate and her father. Some of the Lieutenants were killed and so was Kate's father Robert Brewster. This is the reason why Skynet is after Kate this time, John Connors Kids would become important. In the future John Connor is killed and that means now Skynet wants to repeat another "Sarah Connor" mission and killed Kate so John Connors kids wouldn't be born.

Lets look at the fourth alternate timeline and see what happens if if the T-800 fails: If Kate was killed, John might not have kids, John Connor would eventually die it's inevitable, so who would be left to lead the resistance? That would be the fall of mankind... Not really, since Skynet makes cold-hearted calculations -- Skynet thinks if Kate dies, that means John wont have kids. That's not true. If Sarah had died, John wouldn't have came. If his father had died and Sarah Lived, John would still be born, but through a different father. So if Kate is killed that means John's kids wouldn't live and Kate wont take command after John is dead. What would have happened? If Kate was killed, then John would have found another wife by that time and he would've still have kids and his wife would be second in command.

Robert Brewster, Kate's father, is very important because after Cyberdine was destroyed the Air Force took over the research and had more funding and time to develop the technology. Initially he was suppose to be fighting in the war, but he was killed by the T-X so his killing is also a factor in how the future slightly begins to change. Also John mentioned this, that if the terminator wasn't sent back in 1995 John would have met Kate's father as a kid and he would have warned him them, but because time was distorted when to T-800 and T-1000 we back in time in 1995, it changed the future and John meets Robert Brewster a little later in life -- so, it's inevitable, John was always going to meet Kates father.

Another thing that should be mentioned is that fact that the T-800 in Terminator Rise of the Machines or Terminator 3 killed John Connor in the year 2049. The T-800 infiltrated because of John's boyhood experiences, which led to an emotional attachment to the second T-800 that came through time. Just because John knows when he's going to die, doesn't mean he wont die. When that point in time comes for him to die, John Connor will remember the words of the T-800 that went back in time to help him in Terminator 3 that he killed him. John will most likely prevent himself from being killed on that day, however, it's inevitable... John Connor is suppose to die, therefore, if he doesn't die at the time the T-800 from Terminator 3 comes to infiltrate to kill him, John will change the future -- just like they postpone Judgment Day, yet it still happen; and, so will John Connor demise. It will eventually happen.

It's inevitable, no matter what timeline they were on the first, second, third, or forth John and Kate were going to met. Skynet knows this so this is why they tried to kill one or the other -- or both -- before judgment day. Remember that quote? If Kate was killed and John lived he would have met another girl, however, John's kids would still lead the future, but on a different timeline.

So as long as Skynet keeps failing, the outcome will always be bad for them. That's why they have to kill John or his mother to actually win the war.

We're still continuing on the fourth alternate timeline -- Terminator 3. However, it rolls over into Terminator Salvation which is a continuation of the Fourth alternate timeline. In Terminator Salvation, when John met Command in the submarine, there's a list. John is number two and Kyle Reese is number one -- why? Because Skynet knows (How? Not sure) that John Connors father is younger than him. With that being said, based on that logic, Skynet knows that at one time or another Skynet had already went back into the past to kill John's mother and Kyle was the one who was sent into the past to protect her. So now Skynet is focused on two objectives: Kill Kyle Reese and then send a Terminator into the past -- better yet kill everyone John, Kyle, and Command and then send a Terminator into the past to kill Sarah Connor... Which would mean what? Time reset itself.

Well that only assuming that the Resistance doesn't send another "lone warrior" to protect Sarah. If the Resistance does that, that means it's most likely Sarah would have ended up being with that guy who blew of the date when the first T-800 came through time and that would have been John's father... Then Skynet would kill Sarah -- no more John Connor -- Judgment Day happens on August 29th 1997 and mankind loses the war with the Machines...

(I forgot to answer the third question. How is it the T-1000 is killed by hot metal but nothing else? Well metal melts! Lol. Also, in the Terminator 2 Extended cut, in the factory when the T-1000 is frozen -- shattered -- and then merges back, you actually see that he started to malfunction. In the Theatrical cut it looks as if everything is fine and only fire hurts him. When he starts to malfunction, it was due to the heat and the extreme cold and being shattered. He touches a rail and his hand gets stuck and it starts to take on the characteristics of the rail. Then he shakes his hand and it goes back to normal. Another instance is when he's pretending to be Sarah, if I'm not mistaken, in the extended cut only, the T-1000's feet are all melted to the ground, which gives him away when the real Sarah appears behind him. That's my take on it. Feel free to correct me if I missed something.)

Oh yeah, remember in Terminator Salvation when Marcus taught a young Kyle "Magic" by attaching a string to his arm preventing Kyle from snatching it from him? Well in The Terminator Kyle saws off the stock of a shotgun and attaches a string to it hooks it to his arm... Obviously we see where he got that idea from -- Marcus.

Again this is simply my understanding of the Terminator timelines and alternate timelines. There are a lot of holes in it, but that due to the fact that it's simple a story and it's sci-fi and we're suppose to suspend disbelief. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this long as rant. So again kick ass -- kill the aliens -- and prepare for ZOMPOC!

-- Connor Murphy

Avatar

I think we all can agree the Avatar was ground breaking with the special effects and the motion capture technology. However, lets really take this film apart -- remove the effects and the 3D -- what do you get? Dances With Wolves. It's very mediocre film that preaches at you like Jehovah's Witnesses on Saturday. The movie isn't as good as people think it is. You want honesty? I only watched it because of Michelle Rodriguez and Sigorney Weaver. That's about it. I like Sam Worthington, but only in Terminator Salvation. Apart from that, Avatar is pretty sub-par.

When I first saw Avatar I hated it. I mean I thought it was the worst movie ever. I believe it was over hyped and over praised. However, don't look at this review as an outright diss of the film because I did enjoy it after multiple viewings. It is a GREAT FILMS, but it is over hyped. I will say this, the more times I saw it, the more I came to appreciate it.

After multiple viewings I still feel this movie has no real plot. It's not original. The entire message of the film was literally in your face -- like BAM-motherfucker-Join-my-CULT-or-Jehovah's-gonna-destroy-all-the-people-even-if-you-are-Mother-Terresa-at-Armageddon- in your face. The film would have been a lot better if it was more subtle. The acting and the direction from Cameron was brilliant, but the story was practically void.

Was I the only one who noticed that the military robots were a complete rip off of the Matrix? Was I the only one who kept thinking about Ferngully? Was I the only one who already knew he was going to end up with the big "Blue Monkey"? (Actually I'm not the only one! Thousands have!) So I did enjoy Avatar, but I feel it's far to over rated.

Terra Nova

Synopsis: In the year 2149 over population and the decline of quality air has put a vice on planet Earth. Scientist have discovered a time riff, which enabled them to send people back into the Cretacious period to give society a chance to start over.

 

Sci-Fi has never really been a genre I liked growing up -- it was always Action and Horror. However, I can't really say I never watched Sci-Fi movies and TV shows. Alien series, Preditor, Terminator, Jurrassic Park etc were a few Sci-Fi films that I enjoyed. Especially Terminator (I was obsessed with it and still am!) Nonetheless, in recent years, I've become more and more fond of the sci-fi genre. I like Sci-Fi, but I'm not to fond of Star Trek or Star Wars -- it's all about Firefly! That's for a rainy day.

 

Recently, I've been really into Terra Nova. When I first saw it, I was amazed by this interesting show. Yes I can say there are something that are problemsome with the story, but regardless I still find Terra Nova extremely entertaining.

 

In the year 2149 the Earth has been over populated and the air quality is very poor; they require a breathing apparatus. The Shannons are a family that were selected to go through a time riff to give humanity a new start. However, Jim Shannon was placed in prison for assaulting another police officer when their house was searched for a third child. At this time families are only allowed three children. After being sent to prison, his wife helps him break free.

After breaking out Jim reunites with his family and they make it through the portal into the past where they confront Commander Nathaniel Taylor -- a total bad-ass by the way! I think Taylor is such an awesome character because you really don't know if you should trust him or not. So far it appears that you can trust him. After all Jim wasn't suppose to be there he snuck across and Taylor allowed him to stay (they can't go back), but Taylor ended up liking him.

Terra Nova is very unique considering that there another group of people known as the Six-ers who were hired by people in the future to do their bidding: Over throw Taylor and take over Terra Nova so that the people in the future can mine the past to make a fortune. Taylor's son was thought to be dead, but it turns out he's working for the people who hired the six-ers to over throw Terra Nova. There's plenty of mysteries in the show. One example is a sea vessel during the times of the dinosaurs, which isn't suppose to be there since humans were not alive at the time in history. There's many elements such as that, that make me want to know more about this universe. It makes me thing and ask questions like "Is there an alternate timeline?" "Since they found a time riff does that mean they've distorted the past and the future?" "How the hell did a ship get there?!" Maybe these are not the right questions -- who knows -- it's just somethings the say that cause me to ask questions like that. That's a good thing. It means I'm really into this fuckin' series! I believe this can turn into a Stargate or a Lost (without killing the brain cells of course) and become a fantastic series.

Also the feel the show gives -- or tone, so to speak, is brilliant. I like the feel of wanting to go back in time and start over. I would love to do that, heck I'd be the first one to sign up to go back in time! But of course this is Sci-Fi, so obviously it's not real. So as a hole this show brings out the kid in me. It makes me want to be apart of their society.

If You haven't seen the show check your local listings and try to catch a few episodes because this show is brilliant. I can't get enough of this show. Hopefully the network continues it for more than five seasons and not treat it like they did Firefly. 4.5 Stars out of 5!

La Llorona (The Wailer)

Synopsis: A group of friends go to Mexico for vacation and stay over night in a cabin that belonged to the a lady who killed her children and was killed by her husband. She's La Llorona.

This movie sucks -- I'm not even going to GET INTO REVIEWING IT! Stay away from this movie at all cost. OK, I will review it just to give you a better understanding of my hatred for this movie.

Everything about this movie is wrong! First let me recap on something I said in a previous review. If you watch a movie you say the only good parts were the nudity or the women, then you got your self a really shitty movie. That's exactly this movie -- it's beyond crap. The pacing is slow. The acting is really bad. The cinematography was mediocre.

The pacing of the La Llorona was simply absurd. You don't even see the ghost very often, actually that's the only good thing of the movie, it adds to the suspense. However, that alone doesn't do anything for the film. The pacing was beyond bearable. Along with a lot of the bad conversations taking place with the cast. Yes, the dialogue was bad!

The acting is really poor -- I mean beyond bad B-movie acting. Fuck, soft core porn has better actors than this shit. One particular character irked me the most. The black guy. I don't even remember his name. First off his acting was just -- it -- I thought -- I assumed -- I felt like watching Star Trek... This guy tries to hard to appear as if he's meant to be in the film. Similar to when you have a third wheel and two people are laughing and and the third wheel just laughs just for the sake of fuckin' laughing. It's like that, he tries to act like he belongs. Another thing is his "girl friend." She's hot and he's just some over actor trying make people think he's an actor. He didn't even look like he was in a relationship with her. It was awkward seeing him kiss her. When he got taken out, I was like  "about fuckin' time." Him or the fuckin' movie -- one of them had to die.

I don't even want to review this anymore -- what I'm going to do is another review to make up for this incomplete review. I just might come back later and finishes it, but hopefully not. So my advice is: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE! -5 Stars out 5!

Resident Evil: Afterlife

Synopsis: The world continues to be overrun by the undead. Alice continues on her quest to track down Umbrella's operating base and the search for her allies in an uninfected area of Alaska.

After Resident Evil: Extinction, I had high hopes for Resident Evil: After Life. Sadly they were to high... I should have known, because Paul W.S. Anderson wrote and directed this film. I have major problems with this film. Again, I love zombies and I love Resident Evil in general, but this film was all over the place. Stereotypical characters, slow-motion (fuck!), pointless characters, poor character development and ridiculous zombies.

First lets talk about the good -- Alice looses her power! Brilliant! Fuck yeah! About time... Chris Redfield played by Wentworth Miller actually fit the role of Chris. I actually liked him...

Now lets move on to the bad. Stereotypes -- black guy, arrogant, basket ball player, comic relief, wearing workout clothes and sneakers of some sort, and a smooth talker -- oh and he jumps high (Fuck... Me...). Need I say more? For fuck sakes Paul, you might as well paint his face black and paint white lips on his face! I couldn't understand why I hated Luther so much... He's stereotyped -- I hate that shit.

Another character I hated was Bennett played by Kim Coates. Does every fuckin' zombie movie have to have an asshole of the group who causes everything to fall apart? I really hated this character because he was so predictable. When he was introduced, I already know he was going to fuck them over and leave them there to rot. I want to watch a movie where I'm engulfed in the story and it's unpredictable... Come to think of it, this is a zombie movie, written by Paul W.S. Anderson, I should have expected it.

The next aspect of the film that I was the fact that Paul simple put random "bosses" into the movie. The ax man from Resident Evil 5 the game. This big-ass executioner comes walking up the street... For... No fuckin' reason. None at all. None. It was pointless. If you've actually played the game, you'll see the the ax man was an executioner in Africa, not Los Angeles! The reason Nemesis somewhat worked, was because of the fact that he was Matt who was forced into the Nemesis Project -- a perfect way to write in a creature like him. Now, the axeman, he just marches up the street like he's a one man parade... Fuck, Paul, come on...

The zombies were good, but the zombies some how evolved. He simply took elements from the games and threw it into the movie just because he could.

This really irked me a lot when I saw it and a lot of people agree with me. The slow motion. Speed up the slow motion and the movie would be thirty minutes shorter. The slow motion fucking killed the movie. This is why I hate 3D movies, it adds nothing unique to the movies, well slightly, but nothing unique to the story. Whenever I see a movie that's 3D I always feel cheated because it appears the the filmmakers sacrifice story for 3D. You know, they're more interested in how a pair of glasses look as it flies towards you than worrying about the consistency and development of the story, which leads into my last point.

Poor character development. Chris Redfield is a bad ass in the game. In the movie, he's still bad ass, but I want to see or hear a better back story. I can sum up his "character development" in one sentence: "Chris was part of a military group when he was left behind and the survivors in the prison lock him up in a cell because they believe he's a prisoner." Fuck Paul, you're seriously spitting in our faces -- no -- you're just pissing us off.

However... In spite of all this I can still enjoy Resident Evil: Afterlife better than Resident Evil: Apocalypse, but Resident Evil: Extinction tops them all. 3 Stars out of 5.

Resident Evil: Extinction

Synopsis: It's been seven years since the Raccoon City incident. The entire world has become an apocalyptic wasteland. Alice is on her own having abandoned her allies after realizing everyone who's around is at risk. She continues on her journey to bring down the Umbrella corporation.

I'll admit, out of all the  entire Resident Evil series, Resident Evil: Extinction was the best. There's so many interesting elements within this movie that made it interesting. In this installment of the franchise we are introduced to a few new characters from the original series: Claire Redfield and Doctor Issac. The movie as a whole was excellent, but the best thing about this movie was the idea of trying to make a "horror" movie that takes place in the day time. No, it wasn't scary, but it simply worked; it gave the film a unique "feel".

Another aspect of the film I enjoyed were the scenes of the apocalypse. I love movies that show the apocalypse! Like George A. Romero's Dead Series, I like them, but there are many things I hate about them. Yes, I'm aware a lot of people are going to want to try to "school" me, telling me why Romero's movies are the best -- that's for another time. back to the review. In my previous review of Resident Evil: Apocalypse I said I hated LJ's character, well in this one, he became a lot more serious and he began to grow on me. In this movie he's a decent character.

I think this one was a lot stronger than its predecessor and possibly the strongest out of the entire series so far. However, there are some major flaws about the film that I didn't like. I don't like the idea that Alice has powers, I mentioned that before. I think that robs the entire point of the Resident Evil "world" -- Resident Evil is about survival, using your wits and conserving ammo (lol) and finding that goddamn save room with that soothing music (I'm being sarcastic with the last part).

There's one more character in this movie that I also hated and that was Betty -- nurse Betty -- what the fuck is this Pokemon? It's such an obvious name for a nurse, and Ashanti, she's hot and she can sing, but she can't act worth a damn! The chemistry between her and LJ just wasn't there.

Overall I did enjoy the movie a lot more than it's predecessor. I rate this movie 4 Stars out of 5.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Synopsis: Alice awakens in an Umbrella Lab and escapes. To her dismay, the entire city is overrun by blood-thirsty zombies. She teams with with survivors to escape the horrors of Raccoon City.

Wow... Were the fuck do you begin with this movie? I love zombies, I love Resident Evil and most of the Resident Evil movies were great, but... Resident Evil: Apocalypse was HIDEOUS! I can't believe how bad this movie was. Yeah, Jill Valentine was hot -- yes, Alice is hot! But the story is FAR TOO dull this time. If you watch a movie and say "the only good parts were the nudity or the hot girls," then something went wrong with the film. For example House of the Dead... The only good parts of the movie: Nudity. Everything else was shit. Let's take a look at what's wrong with this movie in particular order:

Problem #1: L.J. (Loyd Jefferson Wade, you can call him that on informal encounters). LJ is played by Mike Epps. I like Epps, but this LJ character was a stereotypical "black male" role.  You know, the quirky black guy, ghetto, in jail, goofy, comic releif and can't do shit right? That kind of character. I'm not trying to bring race into this, but it just stands out in this film and it killed it. Resident Evil is suppose to be a serious film... So they say.

Problem #2: Lack of consistency. Remember in the first Resident Evil with the Queen said after the licker feeds on flesh it begins to mutate? Well where did all that shit go in Resident Evil: Apocalypse? Remember in the church, the licker ate that fucker with the big ass revolver and what happened -- nada. Nothing. Jack shit.

Problem #3: There are only two characters I actually like in Resident Evil: Apocalypse and that's Jill and Carlos. They fit the role, especially Jill (Damn she looked so hot!), but everyone else, such as, err, Terry the news reporter, she was good on "24", but out of place here. Cain was also out of place... Actually I don't recall him in any of the the games. They just keep adding people to this shit.

Problem #4: The story was SUB-PAR! It wasn't exciting at all. I did like the Umbrella Mercenaries, the chaotic ruins of the city, the zombies and the "empty feel" of  the city as well. However, apart from that, the story was just "OK". It wasn't anything special.

Problem #5: The jagged slow motion effect. You know when the zombies are coming in the alley, if I'm not mistaken, when the Umbrella Commandos are fighting side-by-side with the S.T.A.R.S. Members? That jagged slow motion effect just irritated me, even though it wasn't over used.

Problem #6: Alice... I like Milla Jovovich... But not so much in this one... I hate the fact that now she fights like she's Neo's counterpart. Resident Evil is about survival -- Fact: Survivalism is based on skills, not your "powers" you got from "bonding" with the virus that started the apocalypse in the first place. No where in the game does it illustrate you can bond with the T-Virus. Alice bonds with the T-Virus... The fuckin' zombie virus! Everyone person who tries to "bond" with the virus ends up looking deformed and unholy... But not Alice. Paul W.S. Anderson = Fucktard!

Problem #7: Number seven is the real reason why I dislike this movie so much. What is it? Well it's fuckin' obvious, since when does Nemesis the creepiest villain ever in the Resident Evil series become someones best friend?! When I saw that I was like "WHAT THE FUCK?! Did I see this right -- am I -- is my brain processing this right?!" I like how they created Nemesis from the first Resident Evil, but when Nemesis becomes Alice's best friend that just completely did it for me, I was done giving this film chances! No! No! No! Fuckin' no Nemesis hates everyone -- he'll ninja kick you when he jumps through a window any chance he gets! He hates people! Fact: Nemesis is what Hitler's soul looks like -- another Fact: Paul W.S. Anderson keeps raping the Resident Evil Series! A triple FUCK YOU to Paul W.S. Anderson for writing that bullshit and for marrying Milla Jovovich!

What do I give this movie? -1 Stars out of 5!

Resident Evil

Synopsis: A deadly pathogen has been released in an underground facility called “The Hive”. The hive is controlled by an Artificial Intelligence known as “The Queen”.To contain the virus, the Queen kills all of the employees. However, because of the release of the virus, those that were killed are resurrected into blood-lusting zombies. Umbrella deploys an elite team of commandos who stumble upon a woman name Alice who has amnesia from the exposure to nerve gas, deployed by the Hive’s defense mechanism. The military’s objective is to shut down the Hive and escape while combating zombies, mutated genetic experiments, and the hive’s defense mechanisms before the virus escapes into the world.

I must admit, Resident Evil was actually an interesting movie. As a matter of fact for a movie based loosely on the popular video game series of the same name, it’s actually not half bad. There isn’t anything spectacular about the film. However, prior to Resident Evil, zombie movies appeared to be fading away into darkness. But then Resident Evil came out... I'll be honest I only went to see it because of Michelle Rodriguez, because she's hot and she can kick my ass anytime she wishes. Be honest, she's HOT! Milla Jovovich is hot too, but she's not "Michelle Rodriguez" hot. Lets get back to the review. Resident Evil was entertaining, it had it all, thrills, horror, blood, gore, slight nudity, guns and explosions. They had a lot of elements from the games -- lickers, eh zombies -- I guess that's about it. However, Resident Evil would have failed if it was exactly like the game, but it would have been been better if the producers and the director decided to go 70% based ont he game and the other 30% add their creativity to it.


So in essence it was smart for the producer and the director to betray the original story and create a fresh new idea around the games original story. I would definitely recommend this to zombie lovers and those who simply want to watch a mediocure flick. 3 stars out 5.

Chronicle

Synopsis: Three teens venture into a hole only to return with super human powers.

Chronicle was decent, however, it wasn't anything special. The flick pretty much irritated me. Yes, it has decent effects... So what? The acting was not very solid except for Dane Dehaan who plays Andrew and his father played by Michael Kelly, their performances were actually well done. So what irritated me? Was it the story? No. Was it the acting? Not quite. It was the filming style. For a superhero movie, the "handy-cam" technique didn't work. They tried to sell the believability of the film by simply making it a "lost Footage" or "Blair Witch" or a goddamn "Cloverfield". You know the handheld-based-on-true-events kind of filmming. That style of filmmaking  gets old very quick. I'm OK with the "shaky" camera effect, but only when it adds to the grittyness of the film. I.E. Battle: Los Angeles etc. The shaky camera only works in some movies, such as Cloverfield. Not this one. It would have been a lot better with the traditional movie "feel" to it.

Chronicle didn't "wow" me at all. It was very mediocure at best, nothing special. There's no explaination to how they got the powers. After they gain their new found powers, well, everything became rather predicable. I didn't feel sorry for any of the characters. Come to think of it, another aspect of the film that irritated me was the pacing of the film. It was very slow.

With that said, I can't go without acknowledging the fact that the special effects were actually pretty believable at times. The story was somewhat solid, yet nothing new. I'll give it that, but regardless of the special effects and the subpar storyline, the idea of these teens video taping thier adventures is somewhat, unbelievable. As you watch the film, you start to ask, why would it be nessisary for them to carry a camera around? Why take a camera to a party? Somethings just didn't sit well with me when it came to how and why they were using a camera. This is why I believe this film would have been amazing if they had filmed it in a traditional manner. But sadly they didn't. Again, the store was great. The effects, also amazing. But the way it was filmed, pretty much takes away from the film rather than giving it more puch. 1.5 stars out of 5.

-- Connor Murphy

Apollo 13

 “Houston, we have a problem!"

Apollo 13 is a brilliant film. The characters a likable, the plot is gripping, the claustrophobic setting, and the very idea that they're in space and no one can help them except for themselves. Based on true events of the failed mission to the moon, three astronauts and their Command race against time to keep the men alive and bring them home.

Led by an all-star cast, Tom Hanks (as Jim Lovell), Kevin Bacon (Jack Swigert), and Bill Paxton (Fred Haise) as the three space-bound astronauts, Gary Sinise (mission-bumped astronaut Ken Mattingly), Ed Harris (mission control Gene Kranz), and Kathleen Quinlan (Marilyn Lovell).Apollo 13 will keep you on the edge of your seat and rooting for these American Astronauts.

Apollo 13 is highly recommended drama. 4 stars out of 5.

Watch the Apollo 13 trailer