The Hunger Games: Peeta Mellark

 

 The Hunger Games is one of my favorite movies of 2011 or 2012. I enjoyed everything about this movie. However, there's one thing I dislike: Peeta. 

The picture bellow is Peeta Mellark. A major douche bag if you ask me. Now that you've seen him, why do I hate Peeta? I'll make make it easy for you:

Douche bag Peeta talks way to much shit for me to like him. He has a big talk, but cannot live up to his talk. He's always saying "I'm going to protect you katniss! I'm going to protect you!" Bullshit, the entire time in the Games he was either hurt, hiding or trying to act like he's a tough guy Katniss.

Douche bag Peeta tries to fight this guy named Kato. Keep in mind Kato knows how to use a sword. Peeta only knows how to pick up a hundred pound bag of flower. He tries to fight this guy who trained his entire life to kill? What happened? Douche bag Peeta ends up getting shanked like he's taking a shower in prison.

Then what happened? This fuckin' idiot crawls all the way to the river and decorates himself and blend in so that he can stay alive. Keep in mind Katniss, was attacked by Clove, when the games started, nearly starved, dehydrated, almost got burned alive, yet still got wounded by the fire, got high as shit from the tracker jackers, fought Kato, blew up the Careers supplies, saved douche bag Peeta, risked her life for douche bag Peeta and through all this chaos... he still... swears to the gods of Olympus... he's protecting Katniss. Fuck.

Now in the book it happened differently in the book after President Snow Announces two people can with in the games, Katniss runs off and tries to find Peeta. However, when she finds him he's buried in the mud. He calls out to her, "Katniss... help. Meeeee. Help meeeeee." In the movie, he says "Katniss..." The biggest wimp ever. Katniss was still kicking ass even after she was burnt.


Then Katniss finds Peeta and she takes his clothes off, cleans him up, puts him in the cave, hunts, makes a fire, cooks and cares for him... Looks to me we got another "Stay-at-home-husband" on our hands. Now, at this time Peeta's pretty much done for it. Katniss tells him she has to get him medication for his wound. But Douche Bag Peeta says, "No! It's to dangerous. I have to protect you." This fuckin' idiot still hasn't figured it out, he's useless.

Now Katniss has to give him Roofies or something to knock him out. Then she ventures out to get medication for his wounds which is near the Cornucopia I believe. After she makes it, she comes face to face with Clove who NEARLY KILLS HER! She risked her life for that douche bag. Then she comes back to the cave. He wakes up and he's all mad -- in my eyes he was butt-hurt, but that's up to interpretation.
Then they leave the cave and Peeta makes all this noise as he walks (This is in the book, by the way). In the movie he's still making noise, but in the book Katniss calls him out on it. Then what happens -- the goddamn dogs, that look like the  DEMON DOGS from GHOST BUSTERS, jump out nearly mauling Peeta! who saves who? Katniss saves douche bag Peeta. They run to the cornucopia and they make it.

On the cornucopia Peeta and Katniss fight Kato. To sum it up, Kato was kicking both their asses. But at least Katniss was actually DOING SOMETHING. At one point Kato is on top of Katniss trying to pussh her off and who comes to save the day? Peeta! He "suplexes" Kato, but Kato rolls right off the ground like nothing even happened! And then some how Kato has Peeta in a headlock. 
What happens here? Peeta points desperately at Kato's hand trying to signal Katniss to shoot him in the hand. And then... yeah, you guessed it, Katniss shoots Kato and he falls off the cornucopia and the dogs eat him and then Katniss puts Kato out of his misery. Again she saved that douche bag.

See Peta is a MAJOR. FUCKIN'. DOUCHE BAG.


But that's not it. I have other points that show how much of a douche bag Peeta is. First of all if there really were The Hunger Games and you were selected and your own mother is ROOTING for your GODDAMN NEIGHBOR... you're either the biggest goddamn loser in the history of "biggest goddamn losers" or you have one of the most fucked up shitty ass family in this history of "fucked up shitty ass families". His mother said:

"It looks like District 12 is finally going to have a winner this year." And even Peeta admitted, she wasn't talking about him.

How screwed up is that? That's something right out of Ricki Lake, you know? It's just really fucked up. But there's more:

Now you know how they say "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?" Well it's true. Here's a conversation between Peeta and his dad when he was about five or so.

"Peeta?" His dad asked.
"Yeah, dad?" 
"See that little girl over there in red?" His father said pointing at a little girl in a red dress (Katniss) (Am I the only one who finds this very disturbing?)
"Yeah?"
"I was going to marry her mother."
"Oh. Why didn't you dad?" 
"Because... she married a man who can sing so well... the birds stop singing."
"Oh. Dad?"
"Yeah, Peeta?"
"Can I go play on the rusted monkey bars?"
"Yes, Peeta... yes you may."
And fucking scene.

What the serious fuck was that? Are you kidding me? Okay, I'm not the most handsome guy in the world, but if I really liked a girl I would go and ask her out and just to see if maybe -- JUST MAYBE, she would be interested in me. I don't want to wake up fifty years from now and wonder how life would have been if I actually had the cajones to ask her out. So his dad settled for less, which sucked for him because his wife is a...

MAJOR. FUCKING. BITCH.

Trust me when I say that, she is. Now the main reason why I say Peeta is the worst example of a tough guy is, his name. The bastard is named after BREAD. Peta (Peeta) bread is soft and ironically so is Peeta.

If women are all over Peeta thinking he's the ideal guy. Then I'll be perfectly honest with you: That shit just gives me hope! 

-- Connor Murphy